The effect of suicide on health and social work practitioners

A death by suicide is hard on those left behind. That's been said multiple times with a focus on family and friends. What about those who have worked with the person in places like addiction centers and mental health clinics? What about the child protection worker who has lost a child to suicide on their caseload? 

For those who had worked with the now deceased, there is true mourning. None of us have gone into this work with the idea that suicide would be the outcome on a case - we knew intellectually that it would happen, but we are not truly ready for it. Even those who have had several suicides on their caseloads (and some of us work in areas where that is highly probable) that doesn't make it easier. Unfortunately, in the higher risk areas, we can try to normalize suicide as an unfortunate outcome that sometimes happens. In doing so, we minimize the outcome on our own humanity.

Vicarious trauma in our work is real! It is cumulative as well as episodic. We think we are getting over it, we numb, we minimize, we deny. Suicide is one of those outcomes where we can also begin to ask, "Is there something I might have done?" Typically, the answer is no, but the question is often there.

Compassion and empathy are needed for the self in these cases. This is more than the typical self care stuff - although that is important - this is about the permission for true grieving of a suicide by a client. You too have the right to feel loss and grief - certainly its different than family or close friends - but it is valid.

In meditation, the goal here is to face the reality of your emotions, being present and  observe them. This does not meaning that you get stuck in them, but rather observe, acknowledged and listen to the internal dialogue. In this same process, you may acknowledge fears but don't miss observing your humanity and your strength. We are a balance of emotions and realities that all deserve our self compassion and empathy as do our clients. 

Gone

Life is gone

at the end of the rope

it has vacated this earth

I would know how

but never why

there was no note

no explanation

He had tricked us

he smiled

played

joined in

said the gloom was lifting

The morning came

he was not up

he had not gone to bed

the search was fruitless

he had run away

again 

Evening he was found

at the end of the rope

death was certain

more than he had gone

wind bellowed 

through the hole

now within my inner being

His pain has now shrivelled

mine has exploded

I stare at the rope

I feel the strands

Grab the knot

and do the only thing possible

I collapse pounding the floor

asking to rewrite history

My life has gone black

© Peter Choate, 2016