How are you experienced by others

I think all of us have met the person whose presence is quiet yet powerful. They have a humility about themselves. They may have accomplished great things but yet these are not the things that define them. Rather, it is compassion, empathy, trust, kindness and a caring about the relationship they have with you - even if it is for only a brief conversation. I have been privileged to meet several such people.

Many years ago, I met a Canadian prime minister. I was a university student engaged with the university radio. This man was on campus to give a lecture and I asked for a few minutes of his time. We sat quietly and  chatted. I expressed an interest in a book he had written. A few weeks later, a signed copy arrived in the mail. What struck me was the lack of need to impress.

By comparison, I interviewed a well known media personality who couldn't help but tell me about his accomplishments - which were interesting - but that was his story line. The prime minister was as interested in me, the university and chatting about the issues of the day.

Which aspect of yourself should be shown, cared for, nurtured, managed differently?

There may be many reasons for the two sides of the high profile persona, but I use them as examples. The notion is who are we as seen by others? How do you imagine people experience you? What would you like them to say about interactions with you? These are not questions of ego but rather an internal consideration of your "footprint" with others. It requires taking time, as in meditation, to know yourself in an honest way.

All of us have self aspects that are not very attractive. Can we build a relationship with those characteristics so that, as they arise, we are familiar with them. This gives the opportunity to then use the presence of that feature differently. The aspect of self isn't going to disappear but we can respond consciously when we are intimate with the feature. Then we relate differently with others.

The Cop

He traversed the faint space

between life and death with that final breath.

Death was a companion

he had walked beside all his adult life.

It visited once before,

shot in the face as a rookie cop.

The bullet fragments roamed his head as though alive,

tweaking nerves to send pain striking.

His hearing impaired by the insult with that shot.

From then he knew of that faint space between life and death.

He crouched closely to it, smelled it, saw it, felt it,

but turned away with an irrevocable memory.

He had meaning,

being a cop mattered as he believed,

believed his actions changed the course of lives.

He died late in life,

as the cop who had never used his gun.

© Peter Choate, 2016