Violence comes in many forms - physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, financial. Those who perpetrate violence often do so from having been victims themselves which might include direct or indirect methods. A good example of the latter is being a witness to violence such as parents in violent relationships or, as seen in the flood of refugees, witnessing the crimes and destruction of war.
Not all victims of violence become violent but the trend is strongly there. Men are more likely to perpetrate on women as a result of their own experiences and women are more likely to be victims as adults.
Another important form of insult is the withholding of love, care and attention. When a parent refuses or is incapable of giving these things to a child, it creates of state of emotional deprivation. Feeling important might be made up when another adult offers it - such as a relative or a teacher, coach or even the parents of the child's friend. But rejection from those who are supposed to nurture you is felt deeply.
Betrayal is a wound that impacts identity: I'm not worthy; I'm not meant to be loved; I am a horrible person. These wounds are also powerfully linked to physical and mental health disorders. The Adverse Childhood Experiences study has demonstrated this.
For those who have experienced violence, one of the common emotions is powerlessness and the inability to be in control of self. Violence takes control of one's existence away. Victims know that the other people are able to be in charge in a moment. They dictate what is acceptable!
Recovery from these kinds of traumas involves therapy, ceremony, support, changing language to such words as survivor and the use of techniques that help to manage and control emotions. Meditation is one such technique - it is part of the recovery toolbox.
Meditation should not be done as the sole recovery tool. In meditation, strong emotions and memories can arise. We learn to observe rather than react. At the same time, we typically need supports to help with processing what may arise. Meditation allows us to step back and no longer be the actor in the story of the violence.
A simple tragedy
She cowers in the corner
Nightly
Listening
Alert
She knows the sound of the punch
Whack
Thud
Unmistakable
She hates the yelling
Booming
Crude
Insulting
She protects her little brother
Crying
Clinging
Bowed
She pushed the bed against the door
Protecting
Defending
Hoping
She sings to her brother
Pretending
Hiding
Denying
She gets up the next morning
Tiptoeing
Cleaning
Vigilant
She prepares her brother
Caring
Loving
Supporting
She takes them both to school
Happy
Connected
Safe
She leaves the grade four classroom
Slowly
Tense
Timid
She takes her brother home
Lonely
Fearful
Angry
She plays her part in the family tragedy
Hopeless
Isolated
Pained
Not all victims of violence become violent but the trend is strongly there. Men are more likely to perpetrate on women as a result of their own experiences and women are more likely to be victims as adults.
Another important form of insult is the withholding of love, care and attention. When a parent refuses or is incapable of giving these things to a child, it creates of state of emotional deprivation. Feeling important might be made up when another adult offers it - such as a relative or a teacher, coach or even the parents of the child's friend. But rejection from those who are supposed to nurture you is felt deeply.
Betrayal is a wound that impacts identity: I'm not worthy; I'm not meant to be loved; I am a horrible person. These wounds are also powerfully linked to physical and mental health disorders. The Adverse Childhood Experiences study has demonstrated this.
For those who have experienced violence, one of the common emotions is powerlessness and the inability to be in control of self. Violence takes control of one's existence away. Victims know that the other people are able to be in charge in a moment. They dictate what is acceptable!
Recovery from these kinds of traumas involves therapy, ceremony, support, changing language to such words as survivor and the use of techniques that help to manage and control emotions. Meditation is one such technique - it is part of the recovery toolbox.
Meditation should not be done as the sole recovery tool. In meditation, strong emotions and memories can arise. We learn to observe rather than react. At the same time, we typically need supports to help with processing what may arise. Meditation allows us to step back and no longer be the actor in the story of the violence.
A simple tragedy
She cowers in the corner
Nightly
Listening
Alert
She knows the sound of the punch
Whack
Thud
Unmistakable
She hates the yelling
Booming
Crude
Insulting
She protects her little brother
Crying
Clinging
Bowed
She pushed the bed against the door
Protecting
Defending
Hoping
She sings to her brother
Pretending
Hiding
Denying
She gets up the next morning
Tiptoeing
Cleaning
Vigilant
She prepares her brother
Caring
Loving
Supporting
She takes them both to school
Happy
Connected
Safe
She leaves the grade four classroom
Slowly
Tense
Timid
She takes her brother home
Lonely
Fearful
Angry
She plays her part in the family tragedy
Hopeless
Isolated
Pained
© Peter Choate, 2016
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