As we start the new year of 2017, many have made a variety of resolutions - the vast majority of which we will fail to keep. That's part of being human. We don't make changes easily. We develop patterns in our lives with which we get comfortable, even when that outcome is not what we wish.
I experienced that this morning going out for breakfast with family. I saw the delicious pain raisin, croissants, muffins - they were yelling out to me. So saying no was tough but I had another choice which also pleased me. Therein lies an important issue - we need an agreeable choice to replace the behaviours which we are trying to stop.
Many years ago, a psychiatrist I worked with in the ER, observed, "People change their behaviours when the cost of change becomes less than the cost of the status quo." Such a insightful comment!
Part of the challenge with change is we, as a member of our society, have been trained to avoid uncomfortable experiences, which change brings us. Instead, there is a drink, drug, food or exercise for that. Thus, pain is to be avoided. Being human is about feeling all of our experiences ranging from highly enjoyable through to highly unenjoyable. In a society where everything is meant yo be fun, it also makes it harder to reach out for support.
We are also getting lots of messages that if there is pain, it must be somebody else's fault. We see less acceptance of taking ownership of painful or difficult realities. Being human means that things will go wrong and we are often the main or partial author of the difficulties.
Buddha tells us that pain is a normal part of our existence and is a universal truth. If you look at other religious or spiritual traditions, you see similar messages. Thus, we need to come face to face with that truth which means pain is inevitable, whether we are the author or not therefore being less important. Whether we caused the pain or another person did, it is still pain and it must still be accepted and a way to move forward must still be found. As anyone in recovery from addictions will tell you, escape was not a solution but a false trap which brought more pain.
For example, in grief arising from the death of a close friend or relative, we truly never forget, but we adapt. Some grief takes longer to accept but we never "get over it".
Use meditation to feel, accept, know yourself and become familiar with your pain. Become its closest acquaintance and don't fight its existence. Become a warrior for your own truth with the confidence that you can live effectively today and that living with pain and still being content is possible - it takes acceptance and seeing, in meditation, that your life is not just about the pain. It is about being
human.
Human
The pain arrived
slowly
seeping into my existence
making its presence known
deliberately
In time its presence
rancorous
tugging at my soul
as a poison with intent
malicious
Its face in mine
provoking
like a gauntlet tossed at me
vexatiously
This pain is my truth
wholly
It is for me to accept
unequivocally
This reality is unchangeable
definitive
My response is mine
exclusively
It is my humanity
I experienced that this morning going out for breakfast with family. I saw the delicious pain raisin, croissants, muffins - they were yelling out to me. So saying no was tough but I had another choice which also pleased me. Therein lies an important issue - we need an agreeable choice to replace the behaviours which we are trying to stop.
Being content with where you are while also being connected is about being at peace with your humanity
Many years ago, a psychiatrist I worked with in the ER, observed, "People change their behaviours when the cost of change becomes less than the cost of the status quo." Such a insightful comment!
Part of the challenge with change is we, as a member of our society, have been trained to avoid uncomfortable experiences, which change brings us. Instead, there is a drink, drug, food or exercise for that. Thus, pain is to be avoided. Being human is about feeling all of our experiences ranging from highly enjoyable through to highly unenjoyable. In a society where everything is meant yo be fun, it also makes it harder to reach out for support.
We are also getting lots of messages that if there is pain, it must be somebody else's fault. We see less acceptance of taking ownership of painful or difficult realities. Being human means that things will go wrong and we are often the main or partial author of the difficulties.
Buddha tells us that pain is a normal part of our existence and is a universal truth. If you look at other religious or spiritual traditions, you see similar messages. Thus, we need to come face to face with that truth which means pain is inevitable, whether we are the author or not therefore being less important. Whether we caused the pain or another person did, it is still pain and it must still be accepted and a way to move forward must still be found. As anyone in recovery from addictions will tell you, escape was not a solution but a false trap which brought more pain.
For example, in grief arising from the death of a close friend or relative, we truly never forget, but we adapt. Some grief takes longer to accept but we never "get over it".
Use meditation to feel, accept, know yourself and become familiar with your pain. Become its closest acquaintance and don't fight its existence. Become a warrior for your own truth with the confidence that you can live effectively today and that living with pain and still being content is possible - it takes acceptance and seeing, in meditation, that your life is not just about the pain. It is about being
human.
Human
The pain arrived
slowly
seeping into my existence
making its presence known
deliberately
In time its presence
rancorous
tugging at my soul
as a poison with intent
malicious
Its face in mine
provoking
like a gauntlet tossed at me
vexatiously
This pain is my truth
wholly
It is for me to accept
unequivocally
This reality is unchangeable
definitive
My response is mine
exclusively
It is my humanity
© Peter Choate 2017
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