On being human

As we start the new year of 2017, many have made a variety of resolutions - the vast majority of which we will fail to keep. That's part of being human. We don't make changes easily. We develop patterns in our lives with which we get comfortable, even when that outcome is not what we wish.

I experienced that this morning going out for breakfast with family. I saw the delicious pain raisin, croissants, muffins - they were yelling out to me. So saying no was tough but I had another choice which also pleased me. Therein lies an important issue - we need an agreeable choice to replace the behaviours which we are trying to stop.

Being content with where you are while also being connected is about being at peace with your humanity

Many years ago, a psychiatrist I worked with in the ER, observed, "People change their behaviours when the cost of change becomes less than the cost of the status quo." Such a insightful comment!

Part of the challenge with change is we, as a member of our society, have been trained to avoid uncomfortable experiences, which  change brings us. Instead, there is a drink, drug, food or exercise for that. Thus, pain is to be avoided. Being human is about feeling all of our experiences ranging from highly enjoyable through to highly unenjoyable. In a society where everything is meant yo be fun, it also makes it harder to reach out for support.

We are also getting lots of messages that if there is pain, it must be somebody else's fault. We see less acceptance of taking ownership of painful or difficult realities. Being human means that things will go wrong and we are often the main or partial author of the difficulties.

Buddha tells us that pain is a normal part of our existence and is a universal truth. If you look at other religious or spiritual traditions, you see similar messages. Thus, we need to come face to face with that truth which means pain is inevitable, whether we are the author or not therefore being less important. Whether we caused the pain or another person did, it is still pain and it must still be accepted and a way to move forward must still be found. As anyone in recovery from addictions will tell you, escape was not a solution but a false trap which brought more pain.

For example, in grief arising from the death of a close friend or relative, we truly never forget, but we adapt. Some grief takes longer to accept but we never "get over it".

Use meditation to feel, accept, know yourself and become familiar with your pain. Become its closest acquaintance and don't fight its existence. Become a warrior for your own truth with the confidence that you can live effectively today and that living with pain and still being content is possible - it takes acceptance and seeing, in meditation, that your life is not just about the pain. It is about being
human.

Human

The pain arrived
slowly
seeping into my existence
making its presence known
deliberately

In time its presence
rancorous
tugging at my soul
as a poison with intent
malicious

Its face in mine
provoking
like a gauntlet tossed at me
vexatiously

This pain is my truth
wholly
It is for me to accept
unequivocally

This reality is unchangeable
definitive
My response is mine
exclusively

It is my humanity

© Peter Choate 2017

Fragility

Xavier Le Pichon is a French geophysicist who is known for his work on Tetonic plates. But in a recent interview, he also spoke about the true fragility of the human existence. It is a vital reminder that everything about us is fragile. Building on yesterday's meditation on impermanence, is the step towards understanding that impermanence applies to each of us as well. There is nothing about any one of us that has any sense of permanence.

In many ways, that is well understood in our societies but perhaps not in the way we might hope for. There are myriads of programs, products, books, videos which are all designed to change who we are. We can become fitter, more beautiful, more sculpted, better dressed. Thus, we seem to accept that we are impermanent. We even accept that, as we age, things change.

What happens when we think of change though as being about the fragility of our existence? Does it create quite a different understanding? Does it open up that we are on this earth for but a second in time? If so, then what we do at this very moment matters as it is the only thing we can be wholly within.

I saw me in the mirror

 But it was not the same me

I looked away and then looked back

Even in the few seconds there was something different

Each time I did this there was always change

It was me but me was never the same

I walked the path I had done many times before

I knew each tree, each root that stuck out

The lines, the curves, the bumps were so familiar

But each day I would walk the path

I found something new

It was the same path but it was never the same

© Peter Choate 2016