Alone on the edge

The Catholic monk, Thomas Merton gave powerful lessons on being with oneself. In his book, No Man is an Island Merton stated:

“The man who fears to be alone will never be anything but lonely, no matter how much he may surround himself with people. But the man who learns, in solitude and recollection, to be at peace with his own loneliness, and to prefer its reality to the illusion of merely natural companionship, comes to know the invisible companionship of God. Such a one is alone with God in all places, and he alone truly enjoys the companionship of other men, because he loves them in God in Whom their presence is not tiresome, and because of Whom his own love for them can never know satiety.”

The important lesson from this instruction is the need for us to find a comfortable relationship with the self. If we cannot come to know who we are really, then we cannot love ourselves as we lack a knowledge of self. Then we end up with some fantasy of who we are and fall in love or not, with the fantasy. The fantasy can be positive (I'm ok; I'm pretty good; I'm great), negative (I'll never be any good; I'm a loser; I always fail) or disordered (I'm the best and everyone else is below me). A true relationship with the real self sees the balance of positive, negative facets while accepting that is the nature of the true self. We just are.

Which means that we can find some wonderful places within as well as some quite scary places. In my own meditation today, I felt the scary places and could feel them in waves. There is the temptation to run, deny or tremor within. Instead, observing and discovering that scary is only one place and that it is not permanent allows fear to be tolerated. Strength is within the fear.

Like the butterfly in this picture, we can flit around and not settle or we can land and be where we are.

 I had been here before

It was a meadow

On either side the mountains

In front the forest and behind the lake

I was alone

Or so I thought but fear was with me

It stared out onto the landscape 

And saw only the fears

It was irrational I knew

I was not alone

I was with my fear, my inadequacies, self doubt and disbelief

Each was exerting a force towards an edge

I dared not approach

Yet there I was

I was alone

As fear was an external force which I could not control

It came in waves which I could hear moment by moment

Believing they were about to envelope me

And push me further to the edge

I was alone

In the most terrifying moment

Naked, raw and vulnerable

Defenceless

I was not alone

Around me, surrounding me was the universe

To which I was connected

And could not be otherwise

I was not alone

But I also had to be alone

Knowing I was safe in the only relationship I could control

I was alone but I was with myself

© Peter Choate, 2016

Kindness

The Buddha talks within the Eightfold Noble Pathway of the necessity of Right Action. This includes respecting the people with whom we have contact. It means not meeting anger with anger; disrespect with violence; aggression with aggression.

The notion of right action with respect to human interactions is included in many (perhaps almost all) spiritual traditions. It is not an easy thing to do. We want to be respected and get annoyed, angry and upset when we are not. It is hard to look at aggression and not want to fight back. In fact, it is difficult to be compassionate when we feel attacked or disrespected. This does not mean failing to protect ourselves. It does mean not lashing out when we don't get the service we want; when we are cut off in traffic; when the delivery didn't arrive. It means disengaging as possible and safe - not staying in an abusive relationship, for example.

The old saying, "Do unto others as we would have done unto us" is an apt way to think about this. We all appreciate kindness but can we seek it if we are not offering it? Ego wants us to have it but we cannot demand it, only offer it.

By being kind, whether to another or ourself, we can find peace.  Meditating on kindness is an interesting focus as it is here, that we can really connect kindness and compassion. Feel kindness and know what it means to feel it and thus, what that means when we offer it.

It was the sort of small restaurant 

The tourist would never find

Tucked in a side road on the way to chennai 

Our driver pulled in

It was a quick stop for coffee

We were served by a small man

He was small in every sense

He would go through life without being noticed 

But his smile

His gracious style

His care at his job

He was big with me

He offered the change 

It was small and I declined it

It wasn't grabbed but accepted as a gift 

His acceptance was big

His thank you was big 

As I left we shared a smile 

Raised palms 

I would never see this man

But he was as big as he was real 

Kindness shared

© Peter Choate, 2016