When the balance tips the wrong way

The spiritual literature, along with categories like self help, speak of gaining balance in life. Often you are told to find ways to ensure you look after self, family and work giving balance to the self family side with work on the other side. You may also be told to ensure the work side is even a little weaker. I have struggled unsuccessfully with this for years. Thus, finding some way to think of this topic for meditation in a non-guilt driven fashion has been a struggle for me.

I have been contemplating this frequently while travelling in India for the past several weeks. The photo below from Mahabalapuram just stands there. It's quite large as the herd of goats show. It is not anchored. It is, to say the least, well balanced.

What is balance? The real world gets into the way. There are bills to pay, obligations, events, expectations from others. It's a complex picture. But mix it with your self beliefs and expectations. Do you see yourself as having to satisfy others? Do the expectations and demands of others have priority over you? Do you believe that you are only permitted to give yourself priority after you have met the priorities of others? These questions speak directly to what we believe about ourselves. How much room we create for ourselves depends on the answers to questions like these.

When the agenda is driven by others, then we also have difficulty being present for ourselves. Indeed, believing that the "other" is always the priority is, by definition, denying self priority. Have you noticed that when you are not creating room to be present for self that you are moving through tasks without being present for others as well? Your focus is multi-tasking, managing, scheduling, juggling -  but it is not being present.

To me this is the greatest challenge of balance - being present for the one thing I am doing while also ensuring that my day includes scheduled time to be present for me through meditation. Ours is a society that increasingly does not reward being present - check the cell phone; check for emails; check for messages; check social media. It is a society of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). But what we are really missing out is ourselves. We are so busy checking out that we are not checking in.

Where am I?

I am there

and there

and there

But where am I?

I am with you

and you

and you

But truly where am I?

There is only one place

I can be 

Within

How do I find me?

To be just with me

Present for me

With my presence

What will happen to me?

I will get to know me

My fears, loves, joys, 

I will know my emotions

What will others think?

Of this I will need to let go

But I am so afraid

What will they think?

Will I find that out?

If I go looking

I lose my presence

and I will again lose myself

So the what shall I do?

Be present with you

Know yourself 

Love your true self

© Peter Choate 2016