If is a fascinating word. It is full of condition. Any idea or statement that begins that way, links one action to the notion that it will only happen IF the other half occurs. The two rely on each other. Spend a moment and think about the times you use IF.
It can also be used as a way of bargaining or avoiding. It in essence can allow us to say - I won't do something UNLESS you do something. How much of our lives do we live in this conditional way? Spend part of a day and listen for the conditional statements that you make or others make to you.
Let us not forget how we do IF with self - If only....I would be....
The more we make life conditional in this way, the more we shift control of our present moment to situations or other people - we abandon our own sense of control or we use IF as a way to try and control others. This too is a way to abandon control because trying to control another person makes our emotional life conditional on being successful - BUT we can never truly control another. Thus, we are doomed to a cycle of frustration.
If is an entry way into a revolving circle. The alternative is to own our self - what we feel, what we do, how we ask for support or change. Act in a non conditional way and see how the relationship changes. Invite non conditional reciprocity. This makes relational honest easier and the pathway less traitorous.
It can also be used as a way of bargaining or avoiding. It in essence can allow us to say - I won't do something UNLESS you do something. How much of our lives do we live in this conditional way? Spend part of a day and listen for the conditional statements that you make or others make to you.
Let us not forget how we do IF with self - If only....I would be....
The more we make life conditional in this way, the more we shift control of our present moment to situations or other people - we abandon our own sense of control or we use IF as a way to try and control others. This too is a way to abandon control because trying to control another person makes our emotional life conditional on being successful - BUT we can never truly control another. Thus, we are doomed to a cycle of frustration.
If is an entry way into a revolving circle. The alternative is to own our self - what we feel, what we do, how we ask for support or change. Act in a non conditional way and see how the relationship changes. Invite non conditional reciprocity. This makes relational honest easier and the pathway less traitorous.
IF
What if I fell, would you catch me
If I spoke, would you listen
If I cried, would you comfort
If I was silent, would you sit
If I laughed, would you join
If I reached out, would you touch
If I died, would you mourn
© Peter Choate, 2016
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