Memories - we all have them. Those rooted in emotion are often factually blurred by the situation in which they occur. We recall the emotion as much as the event. There is even good research that tells us memories are remembered by the body as sensations and feelings.
We can think of something as long forgotten until a sense comes along that reminds us of the past. There may be a smell of cooking or food that links us to family events. A place can take us back. For example, a friend recently referred to a place in Toronto harbour where I had spent many wonderful times with a grandfather during my childhood. Not only could I recall him, the places we would visit, but it then led to a chain of memories. I recalled the passenger train trip we would take in the summer from Vancouver to Toronto; the trolley rides I loved to take; the house on Bloor Street where one grandma lived and the other home of my paternal grandparents.
These memories are really those of emotions which I link to images, sounds, smells and touches - but they are really fragments of the true event. It is the joy of visits and relations with family that are what is remembered.
Traumatic memory can be quite different. Some are recalled in disjointed fragments while others are recalled in specific details. These memories repeat through avoidance or chronic recall. Guided meditations that help with breathing and anxiety management are useful tools for those with such memories.
Yet, for all of us, there are unpleasant memories that we need to manage, although not truly traumatic. The relationship that failed; the hoped for job that didn't materialize; the fight with your teenager that you feel guilty about; the special event forgotten. These can all cause anxiety.
I think that the memories we wish we could forget are the ones we seem to hold onto the most. The harder we want to let go the more we hold on which is because we focus upon it. Letting go requires acceptance that something imperfect, undesirable, traumatic occurred - but it is now done. Some of us need to work with a therapist to get to that point. Mediation is part of the journey as we learn to observe rather than react.
In my own journey, this has at times, been a challenge. This is where daily practice comes in. If today I am more reactive, with practice, I might be less reactive tomorrow. Self pity can cause us to hold on but little good comes from so doing.
We can think of something as long forgotten until a sense comes along that reminds us of the past. There may be a smell of cooking or food that links us to family events. A place can take us back. For example, a friend recently referred to a place in Toronto harbour where I had spent many wonderful times with a grandfather during my childhood. Not only could I recall him, the places we would visit, but it then led to a chain of memories. I recalled the passenger train trip we would take in the summer from Vancouver to Toronto; the trolley rides I loved to take; the house on Bloor Street where one grandma lived and the other home of my paternal grandparents.
These memories are really those of emotions which I link to images, sounds, smells and touches - but they are really fragments of the true event. It is the joy of visits and relations with family that are what is remembered.
Traumatic memory can be quite different. Some are recalled in disjointed fragments while others are recalled in specific details. These memories repeat through avoidance or chronic recall. Guided meditations that help with breathing and anxiety management are useful tools for those with such memories.
Yet, for all of us, there are unpleasant memories that we need to manage, although not truly traumatic. The relationship that failed; the hoped for job that didn't materialize; the fight with your teenager that you feel guilty about; the special event forgotten. These can all cause anxiety.
I think that the memories we wish we could forget are the ones we seem to hold onto the most. The harder we want to let go the more we hold on which is because we focus upon it. Letting go requires acceptance that something imperfect, undesirable, traumatic occurred - but it is now done. Some of us need to work with a therapist to get to that point. Mediation is part of the journey as we learn to observe rather than react.
In my own journey, this has at times, been a challenge. This is where daily practice comes in. If today I am more reactive, with practice, I might be less reactive tomorrow. Self pity can cause us to hold on but little good comes from so doing.
I walked a path once known
Not recently visited
It has been many years
But I was sure of it
I recalled the turns along the creek
The sounds of the gentle flows
The places where the wildflowers grow
Today the path was no more
Floods had washed it away
Oh there were remnants
Little else
Disappointed I walked along
Consciousness kicked in
I saw the new
A deer to my left
Water flowing over the rocks
Cliffs existed where none had been before
I was stuck no longer
In the memory of what had to be
Stepping upon new enchantment
With eyes from the past closed
The new could now be seen
© Peter Choate, 2016
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