Peace on Earth

Holiday seasons tend to bring out messages of hope for human betterment.  For example, in the Christmas traditions, we often hear such phrases as Peace on Earth. What fascinates me is the ability to search on platforms like Google and you will find millions - in fact over 60 million quotes about messages of peace. Clearly this is something as human beings that we want collectively.

At the same time, we know that day to day grudges, desires, egos and even survival needs get in the way of peace. One can hardly look for a moment at the images coming out of Syria and see that peace is nowhere to be found there. One can also look at the terrorist attacks that have occurred over the past year and know that fear exists in a way that makes peace hard to gain.

Any casual perusal of news reports show story after story of murder, assault, domestic violence, child abuse, suicide self harm. Politics increasingly speaks of story lines intended to divide and enhance anger, hatred and fear of those who are not like "us". It creates a fear of anyone or any group who are the "other".

When looked at carefully, religions and spiritual traditions do not talk of hatred or divide - they talk of love, honour and respect. Peace is a common message. Much violence today, and historically, has been done in the name of one religion or another. Such actions are a betrayal of the core messages of spirituality, regardless of tradition.

As we approach the Christian tradition of Christmas, perhaps this is a moment to reflect on how we personally, contribute to peace. Are we careful with our words? Are we respectful with our behaviours? Does the greater good matter to us even if that will cause personal pain or difficulty? Are we willing to listen and try to understand the "other"? Sure peace can be thought of in large scale, geo-political terms but it is also rooted in our decisions about what to do, think and support. Sometimes it means we need the strength to step away from popular rhetoric.

Meditation permits opportunity to reflect on our contributions to the world. We get to know where our actions and beliefs are connected. We get to understand what motivates us. In meditation we see our own reflection. I quite like a comment from the American Christian pastor Eugene Peterson where he notes that life may not turn out as we want it to, but it turns out as it is supposed to. That is an interesting focus for a meditation.

Clarity

Sitting by the river
Alone
Feeling the wind
Gently crossing my eyeballs
Making them water

It's cold
Frozen chunks of ice
Try grabbing at the passing water
Inching the icy hold
On the river

A lone duck
Paddles against the flow
A seagull lands nearby
For a moment the two together
Without connection beyond presence

In the distance
The sun slides on the edge of day
Casting the last of its papaya colour
With darkness at the door waiting

The temperature drops
The cold wraps around my face
Ice pellets form on my beard
The urge to move arises

In this place on my own
I am not lonely
Life sounds, smells and visions
Are there if attended

As I prepare to leave
This quiet neighbourhood
An owl hoots
An eagle lands across the way

Lonely is a state of mind
From lack of connection
Imposed by the self
Or those who steal options away

Here alone I am full of company
I have clarity
Of where I belong
Peacefully in this universe

© Peter Choate, 2016

When pain stays

As we approach the holiday season, there are gestures of kindness that seem to be missing at other times of the year. People gather as families for celebrations; church goers congregate for worship; stores and malls dress up while homes are often adorned with lights sparkling in the night. For many, holidays are times of joy, reconnection and times of remembrance about life priorities. Music, both seasonal and religious, can be heard in most public places.

The season is also one of loneliness and despair for millions of people carrying the burdens of pain and traumas experienced along their journey. A special dinner will be at a shelter if such a dinner is to be had. It will often be served by those who assuage their need to be seen as "giving" and who appear with children to volunteer. This is not to diminish the value of their time. To the contrary, for sure. For those receiving, they will know that tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow (to borrow a phrase from Shakespeare) will be the continuance of their pain. 

Yet, we need not single out those struggling in less fortunate situations - many with means hide from heir traumas during holiday celebrations putting on faces and costumes of deceit. Resources can aid their personal process - services that less fortunate struggle to find.

As a society, we have entered an intersection we have been at many times, although this time it feels rather acute. Politicians sowing seeds of hatred, division and dominance; refugees flooding the world at levels not seen for decades; economic uncertainty arising from Brexit and Trump; disempowered escalating their voices through ballot boxes and protests. 

For the weakest in our societies, the mere act of survival demands so much energy that worry about public policy and international relations is far beyond their realities. As Syria is showing us, they can also be the most affected. 

Here in Canada, as we have been thinking of the results of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission Calls to Action, we have heard much discourse and little change. Intergenerational trauma in Indigenous Canadians remains largely unaddressed by society at large. Large numbers of Canadians are not even really aware of the depth of individual and collective trauma still sits in Indigenous peoples from the Colonization that occurred across this land. We can never know the depth of pain in others but we can be open to its truth and presence - and we can listen to the story which must be told.

In meditation, this is an urgent time to reflect upon peace, change and our personal role in society. We may be one drop in the ocean. Giving up, detaching or believing that change is not possible is really not an option. To do so is to increasingly hand power to those lacking in foresight for a better word or see the future in greed. Meditation connects to personal accountability for what we place into the world. 

Sarah

The pinnacle of copulation achieved

He pulled away, still dripping

Grabbed the edge of the bed

Avoiding a drunken fall

She lay still absent of pleasure

Her expression fixed with agony

As though stuck in the moment 

Now feeling unwanted sobriety

Such was the moment of conception

Unplanned, unwanted

By two souls whose connection was never sought

never again to meet

Nine months and five days passed

Sarah arrived greeted by maternal misery

A burden carried through

Alcoholic regret

No dreams of future

No plans for arrival 

A life of uncertain place

But Sarah's life still so

Conceived in pain

Born in loss

Nurtured in despair

Sarah learned to exist

So soon she entered her mother's path

A pothole filled gravel road without destination

Upon which travel was lonely and meaningless

Offering but a few hopeless way stations

Destiny offered no hope

So why this life, why this Sarah?

A flawed gift of the Creator

Could surely not be the answer

Regardless 

She carries within her

The hard truth of the moment

When entry to this world was demanded

What voice, what power

Could so insist that she must come

Upon this planet 

From a moment so loveless

© Peter Choate, 2016

What we recall - memories of our past

Memories of our past form part of conversations, our thoughts and the basis of many off our actions. We firmly tell people about things that have formed who we have become. Some are just factual - "I went to school at..." "I graduated from ...." "I married..."

Many memories rely on emotions to put the story together meaning that we rely less on factual detail. Smells, tastes, sights and sounds all play together making up what we recall and when. What is that we see in our mind's eye, unsure perhaps, but an historical fiction created in the moment bearing resemblance to truth.

This all came to mind when I was recently sent a collection of photographic slides my father had taken throughout my childhood. As I looked at them, it was clear that certain events had not happened in the way I recalled them. I also saw family relationships unfolding in ways that did not conform to how I had told the stories. Was I lying? No. This is an example of what happens when we mix emotions, events and the passage of time.

Some events are very clear to us. There was something stark about them. I can tell you precisely where I was when I learned that my mother had died.  I cannot do the same for my father's death yet I would say I was closer to him (and the old photographs detail this).  I can tell you exactly where I was when I learned of Kennedy's assassination and 9/11. Where was I when John Lennon was shot - no idea. Yet, I loved the music of Lennon (still do). Memory is a fickle thing.

This is important in meditation. When we come to understand that what we truly know is the present moment, we are less burdened with the various versions of history that we hold within us. Such a way can help in managing the impact of trauma. In my case, I can look back on the trauma but then I can also step away from it knowing that, in this moment, I can decide what, if any power I will give the trauma.

Now to be sure, meditation is not the only tool I use to manage the impact of trauma. None the less, meditation is powerful in keeping boundaries around its impact. I can also slip into very brief meditation to help when a situation has triggered an emotional, traumatic memory. This allows me to be in the moment and to have more "control" on my behaviours. Certainly, I am imperfect in this but each moment allows me a new opportunity.

Neuroscience tells us that memory is imperfect to varying degrees in varying ways. Eyewitness testimony has been shown to be quite unreliable in many cases. Situations influence how we recall and frame a memory. If that is the case, maybe we might ask why is it important to become strongly attached to a memory. The answer is only as a learning tool not as Scrooge's weight of Christmas Past.

Memory's Script

Robbie Robertson tells tales of
Rocker years gone by.
We sit, listen, reminisce,
Place ourselves into his stories.

None of it is true
While all of it is.
We gloss or demonize, romanticize or terrorize
All that has gone before.

We would take an oath
To its veracity.
Yet asked twice
The story would vary.

No matter,
In our core it is as we recall.
The fictions many times retold
Each with new scenes.

Life is a drama,
with no script.
Memory is recall,
Without prepared lines.

© Peter Choate, 2016

When addiction strikes close

Addiction and drug abuse issues are one of the most common problems in our society. A day does not go past without news stories on deaths arising from Fentanyl. It feels like an epidemic. Let us not lose sight of the many others who abuse other drugs, including alcohol.

It is a hotly debated topic these days, with Canada planning some form of legalization and various US states already having done so. Billions of dollars are spent on the war against drugs, although as Dr. Gabor Mate points out, it is really a war against those who suffer from the disease of addiction. This disease is also one with a very high rate of stigma. People suffering from the disease are seen as morally bankrupt, not worthy of the same kinds of medical support as other diseases and are the brunt of legal versus health interventions.

For the family or close friends of substance dependent people, they too find themselves struggling with the stigma - "how can you keep enabling?"; "There must be something going on in the family."; "Surely you don't let them come to your house, they will steal things". This leads to a feeling of isolation. When the person suffering is your child, then the stigma mounts up as you must have failed as a parent.

The stigma exists along with other stigmas that might relate to race, gender, social status, mental health and religion (to name a few). Rarely is there the stigma of the drug or alcohol use on its own. Family and friends carry a burden along with the person using.

There are some resources for family and friends such as the 12 step program Al-Anon. Many find that program difficult as they are not willing to step away. Others may find therapy helpful but so often, the message is don't enable which leads to severing or weakening the relationships between family, friends and the user. There are times when that might be needed but the shame and guilt that goes with it only adds to the pain.

Meditation becomes one way to cope. It helps to identify what matters in your own life, knowing what is and is not in your control (which is only the self) and getting to know your inner self that includes the  existence of the pain and loss. When you have a user in your world, the grief is ambiguous - you know who they could be if sober; you know you love yet feel deprived and betrayed; you don't know how the story will end but fear the outcomes often.

Thus, meditation is about self care, self love and acceptance. We did not create the user, pain  and trauma created that. We cannot heal the user but we can heal the self. As Karme Yeshe Rabgye notes, the only person you can truly know is yourself.

Detox

ER
Bed twenty
Eighteenth time

Beside your bed
i sit once more
Observe the sweat oozing from your skin

A familiar nurse
Pushes your IV needle in
Her face tired of yours.

Your body shakes
You moan in pain
Grasping your stomach swearing at the cramps

I get the look form the medic
The one that says I'm to blame

It's time to stop, time to end
To detox from you

But I stay, terrified
You will die, I will live.

© Peter Choate, 2016