Change, change, change

"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change" - Carl Rogers

Curious indeed. Here we are wanting a different life but desperately clinging to the one we have. I can't imaging that there are many people who have not tried to change something only to slide back into old behaviours quickly. Most of us will identify with wanting to exercise more, lose weight, eat better, sleep more, oh - and meditate more.

Carl Rogers helps us to see that change comes from acceptance of who we are now, not from a dream of what we might be. When we chase the dream, we are running from ourselves. Change is accomplished in small steps linked to the belief that, at our core, we are a good, worthy, lovable person or at least there is something in us that is.

When we do not want to accept it, we flit around like the butterfly. The love that allows us to change is the one we find from within. In essence, when we are alone we come to understand ourselves, we come to know what we feel and we come to know what is possible in the moment. It is there, in the moment, that change happens. When we are alone with ourselves, we are also with the most complex relationship we have in our lives. So change comes with what we can handle - just what is in this moment.

We fear change as it is seen by us as determining the pathway up Mount Everest.  Rather, switch the perspective to the words of Lao Tzu in the Tao te Ching "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." We, as humans, tend to complicate change to all or nothing which defeats us.

Our meditation can help us be here with the step me must take now.

There was the slight whiff of change in the wind

The aroma in the air had a new perfume

It was sweet and subtle

The light hinted at change as the hue shifted darker

The humidity grew

It clung to my skin like a drape

The soil below my feet

Crunched with each step

Dust rose up from the dry

The trees drooped and shed 

As the ground below

Could not satisfy the thirst at the roots

The change could be felt

in the distance as a far away light burst

Whose sound was nothing more than a firecracker

My skin began to ooze moisture

The sky hang heavier and darker

But burst with flashes of excitement

The change was here

The ground opened up

The air was alive

Then as though impossible

As though under a shower

The sky ushered in the monsoon

Could the change be held

Would the gift be received

Or would it be shed away

© Peter Choate, 2016

When the balance tips the wrong way

The spiritual literature, along with categories like self help, speak of gaining balance in life. Often you are told to find ways to ensure you look after self, family and work giving balance to the self family side with work on the other side. You may also be told to ensure the work side is even a little weaker. I have struggled unsuccessfully with this for years. Thus, finding some way to think of this topic for meditation in a non-guilt driven fashion has been a struggle for me.

I have been contemplating this frequently while travelling in India for the past several weeks. The photo below from Mahabalapuram just stands there. It's quite large as the herd of goats show. It is not anchored. It is, to say the least, well balanced.

What is balance? The real world gets into the way. There are bills to pay, obligations, events, expectations from others. It's a complex picture. But mix it with your self beliefs and expectations. Do you see yourself as having to satisfy others? Do the expectations and demands of others have priority over you? Do you believe that you are only permitted to give yourself priority after you have met the priorities of others? These questions speak directly to what we believe about ourselves. How much room we create for ourselves depends on the answers to questions like these.

When the agenda is driven by others, then we also have difficulty being present for ourselves. Indeed, believing that the "other" is always the priority is, by definition, denying self priority. Have you noticed that when you are not creating room to be present for self that you are moving through tasks without being present for others as well? Your focus is multi-tasking, managing, scheduling, juggling -  but it is not being present.

To me this is the greatest challenge of balance - being present for the one thing I am doing while also ensuring that my day includes scheduled time to be present for me through meditation. Ours is a society that increasingly does not reward being present - check the cell phone; check for emails; check for messages; check social media. It is a society of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). But what we are really missing out is ourselves. We are so busy checking out that we are not checking in.

Where am I?

I am there

and there

and there

But where am I?

I am with you

and you

and you

But truly where am I?

There is only one place

I can be 

Within

How do I find me?

To be just with me

Present for me

With my presence

What will happen to me?

I will get to know me

My fears, loves, joys, 

I will know my emotions

What will others think?

Of this I will need to let go

But I am so afraid

What will they think?

Will I find that out?

If I go looking

I lose my presence

and I will again lose myself

So the what shall I do?

Be present with you

Know yourself 

Love your true self

© Peter Choate 2016

The racing mind

While meditating today in India at the Matrimandir, I found myself struggling with focus. Meditation teachers will tell you this is normal. The usual instruction is to come back to the breath and refocus. Many teachers talk about the "Monkey Mind". It is a Buddhist term referring to the mind's tendency to be restless, unsettled, difficulty with focus, running all over the place. Pretty much any meditator can relate. I was at the Sri Ramanam Ashram recently when a monkey jumped right on me and then off to something else and then off to yet another thing. That's is monkey mind in action.

There is a feature to "monkey mind" that is a bit different. It's not so much about a series of distracting thoughts (I forgot to take the garbage out; oh I need to call my friend, don't forget the dentist tomorrow) and not the obsessive moment (I can't believe that he/she did that to me). Rather, it's the journey down the full fantasy pathway.

A problem emerges in your mind and then you begin to set out a complex, complicated pathway to solve the problem. You work out who, what, when, where and why. You have a full fantasy under way. It is a nice way to avoid being with yourself. It can even be justified as the problem that needed working out. And what better place to do it than meditation.

The problem is that it is problem solving and not meditation. It helps you avoid being with yourself, your emotions and the self relationship. It is distraction at its best. But then, we have a natural tendency to avoid being with our emotions and observing them. It's hard to face the truth of what we feel, be neutral about it and learn from the observation that we do not need to react to things that we feel. People don't trigger us, we allow ourselves to respond.

A simple example is the day to day experience of traffic. The person who cut you off, drove a bit slower meaning you missed the light or something similar. How do you react? Many of us yell, give a finger and feel frustrated. When we step back from this, you see how little the event means and that nothing was solved by reacting.

So, in meditation, we try to learn how to observe the feeling without reaction. But then, we have to be present in the meditation and not going down some problem solving pathway.

Oh mind, Oh mind, Oh mind

Why are you so restless

I seek to tame you

And

There you go

Off again

Must I chase you?

© Peter Choate 2016