Looking at our lives, we can see that we live in a variety of circles or bubbles. Some are closely connected while others are distinct and discreet. Family is a series of typically connected circles - the family we grew up in, the marriage family, the parent and child family. Trauma and abuse can separate those circles although we typically maintain at least an emotional link. Anger or resentment can keep us connected.
There are other circles such as work, friends, colleagues, sports buddies, for example. How genuine are we in these various circles? Or are we like a chameleon - showing one persona after another designed to fit the expectations of those in the circles?
There are two other vital circles - the inner self we show ourselves and the inner self we deny or keep hidden. The latter we fear - in particular we fear other people coming to that inner self. In that fear is a belief that, if others know that inner self, they will not like, approve or wish to be with me. It is the deep seated fear of rejection.
It is particularly powerful when we have not been validated in that first circle - the family we were born into. How did they see you? What was your value? These are the root experiences that replay themselves in the circles of our lives.
Resiliency can allow us to overcome early invalidating experiences. Too often resiliency is spoken of as something that others create for us. It can be found within by looking through the internal window and seeing strength. Rather than being blinded by our self prejudice see how you have loved, learned, overcome small and large adversities, been loyal, assisted, offered compassion and understanding - in there are the lessons of strength that can be brought to the circles of your life.
Our circles also change as we go through life. Circles that seemed vital in the past now offer little as priorities shift along the way. What circles really matter? It seems it is only those connected with people with whom you have a loving, respectful two way relationship - those who will travel the journey with you into the proverbial sunset.
The ones that stay are love and spirit - they are fewer but much more valuable. They are expansive.
There are other circles such as work, friends, colleagues, sports buddies, for example. How genuine are we in these various circles? Or are we like a chameleon - showing one persona after another designed to fit the expectations of those in the circles?
There are two other vital circles - the inner self we show ourselves and the inner self we deny or keep hidden. The latter we fear - in particular we fear other people coming to that inner self. In that fear is a belief that, if others know that inner self, they will not like, approve or wish to be with me. It is the deep seated fear of rejection.
It is particularly powerful when we have not been validated in that first circle - the family we were born into. How did they see you? What was your value? These are the root experiences that replay themselves in the circles of our lives.
Resiliency can allow us to overcome early invalidating experiences. Too often resiliency is spoken of as something that others create for us. It can be found within by looking through the internal window and seeing strength. Rather than being blinded by our self prejudice see how you have loved, learned, overcome small and large adversities, been loyal, assisted, offered compassion and understanding - in there are the lessons of strength that can be brought to the circles of your life.
Our circles also change as we go through life. Circles that seemed vital in the past now offer little as priorities shift along the way. What circles really matter? It seems it is only those connected with people with whom you have a loving, respectful two way relationship - those who will travel the journey with you into the proverbial sunset.
The ones that stay are love and spirit - they are fewer but much more valuable. They are expansive.
I should live in widening circles
But I live in shrinking ones
In youth, my circles would grow
New people, new places, new adventures
In adulthood, my circles widened
With each job, each promotion, each move
In my career, my circles expanded
New vistas, new horizons, new landscapes
As I aged, my circles expanded no more
Less position, less value, less importance
I should live in widening circles
But I live in shrinking ones
© Peter Choate, 2016
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