It is hard to miss the theme in various media these days - it's about me. The whole Kardashian phenomena is built around that. The constant stream of stories about what this celebrity did. YouTube has its share of this as well in the form a "Vlogs" that are various forms of chatting about the most mundane of events - ranging from such things as what the "blogger" had for breakfast through to chatting about various details of their lives.
When we buy into the view that others may have of us, we fail to accept who we are. We have set up a base of comparison that is about the other person. We say that, in some way, we need to be like or not like the other person. That does not tell you what you need to be like to be you.
Some people interpret this to mean that the "bully" therefore can be "bully" because that is who they are. Not so. The bully has not come to accept their own suffering and learning to live with and not react to it. They are sending out waves to the rock and it is sending back chaotic, disturbed energy. Not what you see in the picture above.
Relationships are like the water and the rock in the photo above. They move in response to the presence of each other. Water comes to the rock which then sends it onwards. The picture represents the iconic notion that when we act, we send ripples out that impact others and those ripples are returned.
The same can be said for our internal states. What we feel internally, we send out which is then returned to us via our interactions with others. Some writers think of this as karma - what we send out comes back influencing the pathway of our existence. It is a key concept in many eastern religions including Buddhism, Hinduism, Jainism, Sikhism and Taoism.
In meditation, when we observe rather than react to the emotions or events we experience, thus changing what we send out within our "internal" universe. This impacts our external relationships as we become less reactive.
In my meditations, this is the hardest work. It is one thing to step back from emotions that are pleasant or neutral but quite another thing to be with but not reactive to things that are hurtful or that boost the ego. The First Noble Truth in Buddhism is that all of us experience suffering. How do we be aware, be with and not react. Who of us has not had an experience with a bully which then causes us to want to lash out in retaliation? But in reacting, whether judging ourselves or in wanting to hurt the other, we increase our suffering.
I really love the quote from Jon Kabat-Zinn:
All suffering, stress and addiction comes from not realizing you are already what you are looking for.
When we buy into the view that others may have of us, we fail to accept who we are. We have set up a base of comparison that is about the other person. We say that, in some way, we need to be like or not like the other person. That does not tell you what you need to be like to be you.
Some people interpret this to mean that the "bully" therefore can be "bully" because that is who they are. Not so. The bully has not come to accept their own suffering and learning to live with and not react to it. They are sending out waves to the rock and it is sending back chaotic, disturbed energy. Not what you see in the picture above.
He lashed out
with intent
to harm, to create scars
He lashed out
with intent
to share his own pain
He lashed out
with intent
to avoid himself
He lashed out
with intent
to make others hurt as he did
He lashed out
with intent
but his pain never left
© Peter Choate, 2016
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